Posts Tagged ‘Moses’

The Exodus, The Book of Exodus, and The Ten Commandments

2010/03/31

This past Sunday, I was asked to teach Gospel Doctrine again. Since the lesson was to cover The Book of Exodus, it was a snap. The movie “The Ten Commandments” was one of the nine movies I allow my children to watch on the weekends when I have custody.

So we covered how Moses was born, and the Israelites were just a huge force in Egypt. There were at least two million of them, about the same population as greater Salt Lake City. That’s a lot of people, so they had their wards established, and home teaching, and all the other stuff that goes with being a Zion people. The Egyptians were getting nervous about there being so many chosen people in their country. Some liberal in the class tried to say it was like how in the United States, some people are afraid of the illegal aliens and how they are getting out of control, and we think the only way we are going to get them under control is to deny them health care. Don’t you just hate it when liberals, communists, and other Satan worshippers get the same rights to speak as everyone else? I sure do. Bishop needs to do something about that.

Anyway, sweet Sister Jorgensen asked how Pharoh’s daughter knew how Moses was Hebrew and not Egyptian? Easy, I said. He had a fragment of Levite cloth in the basket with him. Seems somebody hasn’t been watching her DeMille. Another idiot claimed that Moses, as an Israelite and descendant of Abraham, would have been circumsized at 8 days old, so it would have been obvious as soon as they looked in his diaper. That was idiotic too. Egyptians circumsized their boys too, so there would have been no difference. Besides, if that had been the case, they would have put it in the movie and not the Levite cloth fragment. You’ve got to put those scriptures down sometimes, people, and get the Word of God as He intended. Besides, if the movie was wrong, would they have made Charlton Heston the president of the NRA? That’s like being the Prophet for Gentiles. Besides, Charlton Heston came to me in a dream shortly after he died, and told me that I needed to do his temple work for him. So I submitted it and did it, and that makes him a Latter-day Saint just like the rest of us.

He’s not the only person I’ve done temple ordinance for. I just refuse to do the work for Senator Kennedy. He keeps appearing to me in dreams and telling me he needs to have his work done too. Everybody knows that he sold his soul to Satan and doesn’t deserve it. Besides, supporting abortion legislation is just the same as reaching your unclean hands into the womb and ripping that child away yourself.

But back to the lesson. Wasn’t Yul Brynner just fantastic?